Lifehacker wrote how to work with not the most pleasant colleagues. But it happens that colleagues seem to be nice people, but for some reason the relationship with them does not work out. For example, you have been working for a new company for several months now, but still feel like an outsider. We tell you how to melt the ice of misunderstanding.
Perhaps you yourself once said or did something unpleasant to one or more colleagues. It could have been back in the early days of your work here. For example, they accidentally touched on a sensitive topic in a conversation. Or they made too harsh a joke, because in the previous company it was within the norm. Here, this may be considered unacceptable.
Remember: maybe you once violated unspoken norms without even knowing about it. If there really was such an episode, you should just apologize to the unwittingly offended people and explain that you did not want to offend anyone. Perhaps after that, your colleagues will treat you much more warmly.
Let's say you're sure you didn't hurt your colleagues either on purpose or by accident. Then just observe what "temperature" in working relationships is considered normal in your company.
Perhaps it was customary at the previous place of work to be friends. And you and your colleagues not only went to lunch together, but also enjoyed spending time in the evening. Here, everything is different and your attempts to move to more informal communication are perceived as a violation of someone's boundaries.
In this case, accept the fact that you will not be able to consider your job a second home. And try to get used to the company's standard distance in relationships. And if it doesn't work out and you realize that warm communication in the team is important to you no less than interesting tasks and a good salary, you should think about a new job.
Surely there are completely different people among your colleagues. Perhaps one or two of them will be easier for you to deal with than the rest. Try to communicate more with them.
First, discuss work topics. Ask them to explain to you some things familiar to old‑timers. Ask for advice. And also tell us what problems they may come to you with as an expert.
If your colleagues don't mind, gradually expand the boundaries of the topics discussed. For example, you can talk about how corporate holidays are going. Or where your company's employees usually prefer to go on vacation. For sure, interesting topics will arise in conversations all the time — do not be afraid to discuss them. Naturally, within the boundaries accepted by the company.
Perhaps then you will expand the circle of people with whom you enjoy communicating and the good attitude will be mutual.
What you definitely shouldn't do is make friends against someone from your team or department. And also gossip about colleagues. Openly rebuking colleagues in the presence of other people is also hardly a good idea. It is better to try to resolve any work conflict without outsiders.
But telling colleagues what their professional qualities and actions you respect is not a bad idea. Perhaps you really have something to learn from others. Don't hide your emotions — speak about them directly. Both in private and in the common office space.
For example, you watched your colleague kindly settle a conflict. You were delighted that he responded calmly and with dignity to the rudeness of the client. And he quickly found a way out of an unpleasant situation that suited both sides. Tell your colleague about your impressions. Surely he will be pleased to hear this from a pro like himself.
But remember the main condition: your emotions must be sincere. It is not necessary to squeeze out fake compliments and put on a painted smile. This can only harm relationships with colleagues.
The manager is exactly the person who hired you. So he sees you as a valuable specialist. It is unlikely that he wants to observe tense relationships in the department, because they will not make the work more efficient. Therefore, you can consider your immediate superior as your ally.
If it is difficult for you to become one of the recognized team members, discuss the difficulties with your supervisor. Tell him what you find unacceptable in your relationships with colleagues. Tell us which internal rules are unclear or perplexing. Maybe the boss will help you adapt to the team. For example, he will talk to your other colleagues and find out the reasons for their cool attitude towards you. And then he will tell you how to solve the problem.
But if you want to continue working here, you should not tell your superiors what unpleasant people have gathered in his department. The manager, as a rule, knows the people from his team very well. And he may find you an unpleasant person.
In both personal and work contacts, it is important not to break yourself or others, but to build relationships on equal terms. It means appreciating and respecting yourself, as well as your partners or colleagues.
It happens that a new person in the team tries to copy the behavior of others. For example, he goes with his colleagues to a cafe whose menu he does not like. Or he sends funny pictures to the general chat, similar to those sent by colleagues. Everything would be fine, but he is pleased with completely different memes, and the generally recognized ones leave him indifferent or even irritate.
At first, this behavior can really reduce the distance in a relationship. But over time, you will probably get tired of feeling inner discomfort. This means that there may be tension in contacts with colleagues.
To avoid such a situation, you should not try to adapt to others. It is better to immediately look for those in the team with whom you are on the same wavelength.
Maybe this is the main point. At work, professional skills are required from everyone first of all. The most sociable person in the world who breaks important deadlines and turns out to be helpless in front of any work problem is unlikely to earn the admiration of colleagues.
Therefore, first of all, focus on work tasks. If you are a great specialist, sooner or later you will be able to win the respect of your entire team. If in difficult cases you are able to insure a colleague, and in a force majeure situation you offer a non‑standard, but working way out, this will strengthen a positive impression of you.
And remember that you always have professional skills, experience, and the ability to treat yourself and others with respect. This means that if the relationship in the current company does not work out, you can always find another job. Perhaps there will be much less problems with colleagues there.
