When we talk about constant stress, we rarely mean serious problems, such as dismissal. We are usually unsettled by small things: endless emails or the need to complete a task that we do not like. Rob Cross and Karen Dillon call these microstresses—countless moments that drain our time, energy, and enthusiasm throughout the day. In his new book
R. Cross, K. Dillon. The Microstress Effect they tell you how to effectively deal with this problem and lead a full-fledged work and personal life.
An important part of the fight against microstresses is relationships with others. But our resilience does not depend on devoted friends who will always lend a shoulder in a difficult moment. We acquire it in moments when we sincerely interact with a variety of people. In some cases, we need sympathy, but if it becomes too much, we drown in self-pity and cannot move on. In other cases, we need advice, an outside view, or just an opportunity to laugh at the absurdity of life.
These are the people who will help you show resilience in moments of microstress.
1. "Cheerleader"
Sometimes, when we face challenges, we don't need advice and instructions. We need someone to listen to us, understand and share our experiences. Such support helps to maintain emotional balance and feel cared for.
How to find such a person
- Look for people with similar experiences. Loved ones do not always fully understand what you are going through. Therefore, pay attention to those who have been in your place.
- Support others. Talk less, listen more, and don't immediately try to give advice. It is better to say: "It even sounds very hard" or "I imagine how difficult it is for you."
2. "The Mastermind"
Relationships with this type of person help us in two ways: they give us real models for further development and motivate us to develop. "Inspirers" force us to take responsibility for our lives and actions, rather than wallow in self-pity.
More stress-resistant people use the ideas of others to pave an alternative path to success. If you do the same in moments of microstress, you can avoid turning small experiences into real stress.
How to find such a person
- Communicate with determined individuals. The "mastermind" helps you make the right choice, so you need someone from your environment who knows how to make decisions quickly and clearly. Usually these people say phrases like "Don't waste your time on this" or "If I were you, I would just go and ask for a raise." Listen to them to achieve your goals.
- Rely on truthful people. They know how to tell the bitter truth to their face. Choose a person you can trust, who will be completely honest with you and whose opinion you will not dismiss when he starts saying unpleasant things. This will help you look at the situation in a new light and see the big picture.
3. "Dissident"
When encountering obstacles, it is easy to panic. However, one has only to approach from the other side — and the situation no longer seems so hopeless. This expansion of perspective is sometimes called decatastrophization — the opposite of catastrophic thinking. But it requires serious cognitive effort, and it becomes much easier when there is someone nearby who will help you take a step back, rethink everything and put the problem in a broader context.
How to find such a person
- Look at the world from a different angle. Try to chat with someone who has nothing to do with your work. One particularly effective piece of advice that "dissidents" can give carries a simple thought: "Cut it out." They remind us how important it is to stop doing something when we think too much, criticize ourselves, and get stuck in stress.
- Strengthen your values. When microstresses begin to overwhelm you, try to keep in touch with those who remind you of your main values. It may be someone who doesn't care about your professional achievements, but who appreciates your human qualities.
4. "Assistant"
Remember your last force majeure at work - a sudden request from an important client, a difficult period due to a shortage of people in the team, a serious presentation. How did you get through this?
Most likely, you sacrificed a lot and made heroic efforts to get the result. But force majeure at work or at home can throw us off balance, depriving us of a sense of control over our lives. A more sustainable approach is to say that we need help.
How to find such a person
- Help your friends and acquaintances. Don't wait for a crisis to help someone or ask for help from someone. Your support may even consist in just talking about other people and publicly acknowledging their contribution to the common cause.
- Notice people with similar goals. Try to build relationships with those who sincerely want to help you, because they share your aspirations and interests. It's not just about work. For example, if you have a child with whom you sometimes need to babysit, you can coordinate with other parents and help each other out as much as possible.
5. "The Humorist"
Laughter helps How Laughter Can Relieve Stress + Ideas to Laugh it Off / University of St. Augustine for Health Sciences increase the level of serotonin, the hormone of happiness, and reduce the level of cortisol, the stress hormone. Therefore, jokes and fun are an excellent protection against microstresses. One has only to laugh heartily and you will start thinking more clearly and creatively and just feel alive.
How to find such a person
- Share humor virtually. When it comes to laughter, even the smallest moments matter. Keep in touch online with people who share your sense of humor and share funny pictures to keep each other in a good mood throughout the day.
- Laugh at yourself. This will allow others to see your authentic, vulnerable self, which means it will help to establish connections. In addition, humor can disarm people even in the most stressful situations.
6. "The politician"
Microstress occurs and resumes when we suffer because we said something wrong or did something wrong. When we have a kind of "politician" next to us who is well versed in the state of affairs and understands what is happening to people around us, it is much easier for us to feel self-confidence and stop bothering because of nonsense.
How to find such a person
- Get to know those who have a lot of connections. Each team has a person who knows almost all the people from other departments and offices of the company. He will help you understand the balance of power.
- Contact experienced people. They don't necessarily have to become your closest allies. They are just colleagues who will be able to share their opinions and experiences with you.
7. "The mass entertainer"
Breaks are necessary for good work. Research shows The Importance of Taking Breaks / The Wellbeing Thesis that they improve our well-being, because they reduce the level of emotional exhaustion and energize. And when we relax with other people, it becomes even easier to forget about personal or work microstresses.
How to find such a person
- Develop together with others. If you want to read more books, become a member of the book club. If you want to exercise more, sign up for group workouts. You will not only achieve your goals, but also meet new people.
- Become a part of the community.It is better to find a group that includes people who are not related to your personal or professional life. For example, join the council of your home or team up with other parents who often walk in the yard with their children. Together, it will be easier for you to organize something that will allow you to escape from worries and relax.
