It is the secret of a long family life. But this is not the kind of love triangle that we are used to seeing in soap operas. This is a method that was invented by the Australian psychiatrist George Blair-West. He himself has been married for more than 30 years and recommends constantly repeating three steps in a relationship:
If you are worried about a difficult conversation with your partner and do not dare to admit to him something important to you, remember the method of the love triangle. The best way to make a relationship deeper and stronger is to allow yourself to be human and talk about what's eating you.
"You can spill hot soup on me, and I'll probably apologize to you" — many will recognize themselves in this joke by American comedian John Mulaney. People often hate conflicts and try their best not to make a fuss and not to create awkward situations.
The writer Luvvi Ajayi Jones, who calls herself a professional troublemaker, believes that this is not a quality to be proud of. On the contrary, you need to train your ability to openly express your point of view. In her opinion, it is impossible to make the world a better place and solve serious problems if you meekly follow the rules. And silence won't change anything.
The ability to stand up for your beliefs is an important step towards change, and not a sign that you are a "difficult" person or a non—team player. But before speaking out, Luvvi Ajayi advises Get used to getting out of your comfort zone / TED ask yourself three questions:
If the answer to all the questions is "yes", you can safely express your opinion without fear of consequences. Try to do this every time you feel that something is going wrong. Did a friend make a dubious joke? Talk to him instead of laughing awkwardly. Does a passerby on the street seem disoriented? Come up and ask if he needs help, instead of assuming that he would have asked for it himself if he needed it.
Practice comfortably enduring discomfort in everyday situations. Then, when it comes to really important issues, it will be easier for you to make the right decisions.
Frans Johansson, author of the book, has spent his entire career F. Johansson. The Medici Effect: the emergence of innovation at the intersection of ideas, concepts and cultures "The Medici Effect: the emergence of innovation at the intersection of ideas, concepts and cultures", studied innovation and tried to answer the question of what makes ideas truly revolutionary. Among other things, he found that the idea would receive much more support from others if it was based on progressive changes.
Imagine that it's 1970, and you're working to make landlines 10% more efficient. Most likely, the rest of the team would approve of your intentions. Now imagine telling them that you are going to make sure that the phones can work outside without any wires. You would be considered crazy. Although now we understand which idea was more valuable.
Therefore, if you want to find a new solution to the problem, you will have to weed out the obvious answers and the first ideas that come to mind. The main thing is to interrupt your typical chain of thought. Try to set an unusual goal for yourself and come up with as many terrible ideas as possible. This will spur imagination.
This conversational skill will help you establish not only personal, but also professional relationships. We just need to stop confusing monologue with dialogue.
If you want to have interesting meaningful conversations, it's important to stay engaged. The best way to do this is to shut up in time and give the floor to the interlocutor. Conscious silence increases J. R. Curhan, J. R. Overbeck, et al. Silence is golden: Extended silence, deliberative mindset, and value creation in negotiation / Journal of Applied Psychology The value of a conversation is because it interrupts standard fixed thinking and encourages deeper reflection. Also, when you give another person the opportunity to speak out, they feel The Value of Silence in a Relationship / Psychology Today feeling heard, which also has a positive effect on relationships.
At the same time, it is important not to overdo it. When the conversation is interrupted by too long pauses, we feel N. Koudenburg, T. Postmes, et al. Disrupting the flow: How brief silences in group conversations affect social needs / Journal of Experimental Social Psychology we feel rejected and experience negative emotions.
Producer and screenwriter Michael Schur had a hand in creating many popular sitcoms, including "The Office," "Parks and Recreation," and "In a Better World." However, he is fascinated not only by humor, but also by moral philosophy.
He believes that striving to be perfect and follow ethical standards at any level can really change everything around. When we think about whether it's worth watching movies or listening to music if the author has done something terrible, or whether it's worth paying more for cosmetics just because they're not tested on animals, we get better.
Try to delve into such ethical issues, rather than ignore them. This will allow you to formulate your own moral principles that help you make the right choice in a variety of situations every day.
