Our harshest critics are very often ourselves. But if we remember how it all started, we realize that we are much closer to our goals than we think. And if you are trying to change, improve your relationships with others, your health, career and financial situation, pay attention to the signs that indicate that you are on the right track. They say that you find your true identity and become a more perfect and, most importantly, a happier version of yourself.
It doesn't matter if you said no to another work project because you already have a blockage, or refused a family dinner because you decided to take care of your needs. Personal boundaries help build a strong foundation for healthy relationships with yourself and others.
If you define your space, it means that you find time to think about what you want from friendship, love relationships, work and other areas of life. And about why every boundary that you draw or are just about to draw is important to you.
Even if you are still taking small and simple steps and you are still not used to it, remember that over time you will become a best friend, partner and employee. The ultimate goal is to feel that you are safe, that you are appreciated and respected, regardless of the context in which you have set your personal boundaries.
We often make sacrifices for other people. But if we don't take care of ourselves first, we will pay for this with our careers, relationships and goals. Perhaps you promised yourself not to watch TV shows at night, but to go to bed early. Or meditate for 15 minutes every morning instead of running to the coffee shop. Or start keeping a personal budget, because it takes too much for coffee. Whatever it is, you keep your word, which means you become more confident and trust yourself.
You know the secret of how to always keep your promises: they must be specific and realistic. For example, if you doubt that you will be able to meditate for 15 minutes at once, start with five, and then make a plan of action and monitor progress, changing your strategy as necessary and noting victories.
Everyone has false thoughts, scenarios and attitudes that prevent us from changing for the better: "I'm not pretty enough," "I shouldn't apply for this job, I won't get this job anyway," "I'll never have a girlfriend." But you understand that we have to "thank" our life experiences, fears, or impostor syndrome for such ways of thinking.
So you take a step back, write down your limiting beliefs, try to discover what's behind them ("Are they protecting me from the fear of rejection or failure?"), and question them ("Are they actually true?").
You can reformulate any belief that limits you into a belief that will inspire and motivate you. For example, turn "I will never have a girlfriend" into "I have not found the right girl yet, but I will work to put myself and my needs first."
We treat our friends with kindness, even if they are too hard on themselves. But when we make a mistake ourselves or worry about failure, it is not so easy to be kind to ourselves, and we begin to scold ourselves and give free rein to those limiting beliefs. Therefore, if you treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding as your friends, and support yourself in the same way, you are definitely moving forward.
Self—compassion is not only a manifestation of kindness to yourself, but also the ability to protect your boundaries when others violate them, and the ability to ask for help when you need it. And although you know that it is impossible to achieve this level of relationship with yourself at the click of your fingers, you continue to master this skill by showing awareness, reducing stress and gaining endurance.
Even the best version of our self sometimes experiences negative emotions. You develop not when you stop feeling sad, anxious or stressed, but when you accept them and learn to cope with them.
You are not trying to throw the negative aside or "drown" it in wine or work. On the contrary, you experience a variety of internal states: happiness, gratitude, inspiration, sadness, anger, anxiety, envy and loneliness. Because each of them matters and your mental health only benefits from it.
Sometimes, to cope with an emotion, you can give it a name, accept it and find where it "lives" in your body. And sometimes keeping a diary, walking with friends, or sessions with a psychologist can help you. In any case, you find out where your negative emotions come from ("Are social networks causing me anxiety and sadness?") and what exactly are they trying to convey to you ("Maybe I need to take a break from TikTok?").
And you allow yourself to cry if you want or need it. After all, recognizing all facets of our personality—the good, the bad, even the terrible—makes us human and also improves our relationships, especially with ourselves.
Of course, you can postpone the alarm call, skip a workout and keep a low profile at work. But getting out of your comfort zone is necessary for personal, professional and romantic development. Of course, this is not easy. But if you're on the right track, you know what kind of things make you uncomfortable, and you do them anyway. You meet them face to face, realizing that you risk losing and not getting instant gratification. And yet you keep going because you know exactly what you want to achieve.
For example, you arrange a date with yourself, although you are embarrassed to appear in public alone. Or meet people at a work conference that you would have missed earlier. Or you express your disagreement with the opinion of your superiors, despite your inherent modesty. You are constantly trying new things and expanding your capabilities, because practice helps you become better. All these are the right signals that you are moving forward on the path of self—development and getting better.
