Because it threatens unpleasant consequences.
Sometimes the appetite comes in the process. But if you force yourself too often, the libido shrinks even more. Because even if you do your favorite thing against your will, it will start to annoy.
According to sexologist Evgeny Saprykin, men who are prescribed to have sex to conceive a child experience more problems with desire and erection. Sex workers often complain of decreased libido. And people who perceive their unwillingness as a catastrophe and force themselves to have sex, get upset because of insufficient results and fall into depression, from which libido suffers even more. It turns out a vicious circle.
In the case of sexualized violence with threats, there are strong associative links of everything sexual with impotence and fear. In the worst case scenario, a person will avoid any reminders of a bad experience (as is the case with PTSD). Then even their own manifestations of sexuality will be carefully suppressed, and libido as a whole may chronically decrease. If there is no direct violence, coercion, threat, then it is unlikely that the desire will suffer much. It is necessary to change the partner or the context — everything will return to its place.
If sex is perceived as a duty, then resentment will grow. If it is bound by What Is Gaslighting? / VeryWell Mind with gaslighting and manipulation, it can eventually cause anxiety, depression and other mental health problems, including addictions and thoughts of self-harm. In severe cases, sex against desire is traumatic and can even lead to post-traumatic disorder.
Sex carries the risk of infections, unwanted pregnancy and public condemnation. Therefore, sexualized violence leaves specific psychological wounds: a sense of one's own filthiness, shame and uselessness. This can lead to isolation from people, attempts to cope with mental pain by ignoring their feelings, substance use, self-harm, suicidal attempts.
Sex without desire will not lead to such acute consequences if it is perceived as one's own decision. But we must remember about risk factors: the pressure of circumstances (for example, material need) or stereotypes (they say, a successful person has sex), the lack of context of good relationships (for example, one-time sex with unfamiliar people), the constancy of such practices. All this can also lead to feelings of one's own filthiness, a desire for isolation and ignoring one's feelings.
If one of the partners is constantly engaged in 5 Types of Unwanted Sex and Their Consequences / Psychology Today unwanted sex, over time it can ruin the relationship. And if people try to disguise problems in a couple with the help of intimacy, they achieve the opposite effect: everything only gets worse.
One of the things that people who decide to have sex without desire sometimes do not notice is that they begin to treat their partners unfairly and with disdain. After all, they feel that they are doing a favor, they feel like victims of circumstances, and they see their partner as annoying, abusive and guilty of their well-being. And they stop caring about their partner and forget about their part of the responsibility for an honest and respectful conversation about relationships and sex.
When you want to get closer to your partner. This works not only as a one‑time way to strengthen attachment or do something pleasant, but also when people have different sexual constitutions. Someone who has a higher desire may feel less important because of sex refusals. Therefore, sometimes people with a low sexual constitution are not averse to trying Why Couples Have Sex Even When One Partner Isn’t in the Mood / Psychology Today , suddenly they will swing in the process. Because the desire can come already during intimacy.
But all this does not mean that a person must always agree. He can only try if he doesn't feel like it right now, but in general he doesn't mind. The main thing is that it does not cause any negative emotions and there is an opportunity to stop at any time without resentment and persuasion. Then it will not violate the principle of consent.
Sex without desire can be a conscious and responsible choice, expressing the quality of attitude towards a sexual partner. Only here it is necessary to clearly formulate for myself what exactly I do with this sex: for example, I show favor, respect, kindness, I please my partner, I go to get closer to him. It is necessary to check whether my sex without desire is an expression of the quality of my relationship or I am primarily waiting for a certain result: a return service, the absence of a quarrel, the establishment of sex somewhere in the future. The motivation of this second type is not bad. But if it dominates, it can do more harm than good in the long run.
