Relationships are an important part of life, so it's not surprising that there are many trainings on this topic. However, it is noteworthy that the creators of such information products, as a rule, do not assure that they will teach you how to build harmonious healthy relationships. Seduce, hold, bend your partner under you — as much as you want. To create a strong, trusting relationship in which both people will be happy is not. And this is dangerous not only for a potential partner, but also for the clients of infoguru themselves.
Some points will differ for men's and women's trainings and philosophies, others are universal. However, the very separation of such courses by gender is already a signal that something is wrong with them, because good relationships are based on principles that are the same for all sexes.
Instead, the infoguru is taught the following.
The creators of such courses usually come from simple ideas. Men should do this, and women should do that. People of a certain gender expect the same thing from their partners. And they are ready to get it at any cost.
It can be assumed that women, according to the infoguru, want to get married first of all. But this is rather the second most important point. The first is finance. The material aspect will be among the most significant in the courses, regardless of who they are preparing — fatal lionesses who simply pull money out of men, or submissive wives who cook borscht with one hand and inspire partners to financial feat with the other. Although, of course, many people should not only attract, but also keep the earner. Therefore, we do not write off marriage.
Men, according to infoguru, are primarily interested in sex. Moreover, it is not necessary that a woman wants it and agrees . For example, there is such a term as last-minute resistance. In short, this is ignoring the female "no" in various ways, which is rape as a result. (It may come as a surprise to some, but hiring sex after an explicit refusal is also violence.) However, visitors to such trainings are also taught to enter into relationships, but only with the right, "fit" women. To have borscht and inspiration.
In general, these courses will not help you understand which partner you need, what you want from a relationship, how to discuss expectations and find out if they match.
Infogurus basically tell you how to get what you want through manipulation in the broadest sense, to force a person to do what he does not want.
It would seem that the participants of these courses could come together in harmonious pairs, or rather in triple alliances with borscht, because the goals overlap. But this is an illusion, in fact, the gender tasks of the guru's students differ. At such trainings, men are rather taught that "all women are mercantile" and therefore not a penny can be spent on them. But this "inspiration for feats" will probably be called "brain-fucking." In fact, it doesn't matter what they tell you a hundred times a day: "Vasya, get your ass off the couch and get a job" or "Darling, you're too strong and smart to lie down all the time. Find a job." Because separation from the sofa is not an easy test for most adults.
Women of the infoguru are also taught not to be submissive, but to seem. A man, maybe, knows better , but only after his beloved inspires him ‑ by wearing skirts, with some words ... He himself, poor guy, does not understand how to live, but it is worth working on him a little — so he finally evolves into "a real man."
So in the end, the union of the enlightened does not work. Those who believe go to break the psyche of people who hope for a normal relationship. In the world of the latter, the interaction of the two is not a competition, who will bend whom more successfully, but a warm, pleasant union. Therefore, they do not know the rules of the game and can be seriously injured.
However, for the victims of the infoguru themselves, everything is not cloudless either. After all, they find themselves locked in a relationship where everyone is not partners, but enemies. If you don't relax, you won't be able to trust. It's a pretty stressful situation.
From the point above, it is obvious that every person, from the point of view of a relationship guru, is not a whole world consisting of experiences, traumas, desires and goals, but a universal device with instructions. If you press this button, you will get such and such a result.
And it's not even that it's not effective: some manipulation techniques can work under certain circumstances. It's just that this approach forces you to beat on a locked door until it shatters, instead of finding a gate and easily entering.
Understanding that people are different and that not every person is suitable for us makes life very much easier. Because if we didn't match up with someone, then there are still a lot of other candidates in the world. No matter how strange someone's requests may be, there is a high probability that there will be someone who satisfies them. And you will not have to cut an unsuitable partner with a metaphorical chisel, spending a lot of effort on it, and then worry that he is somehow not like that. You can wait for another one and be happy together.
Plus, such simplifications are hindered by the fact that you can not see real people behind the formal signs. For example, to reject someone because the relationship guru said that everyone who receives less than a million a month is a sucker or that a girl is promiscuous if she has a photo of a bare heel on a social network.
Thanks to the infoguru approach, the partner turns into a set of functions. Performs them — well done (or rather, well done — the manipulator himself), no — the person broke down. It is necessary either to redo it, or to recognize it as unusable and throw it away.
To enter into a relationship in order for a partner, like a robot, to always do something, is about like giving birth to a child so that he carries a glass of water in old age. An unobvious and unfair contract.
People who manipulate a partner are often presented as such villains who cling to a defenseless victim. But this is not necessarily the case. Consciously manipulating is also not easy for many. Because a person can be pitied, for example.
But the gurus are quite categorical in this regard. For example, men are often advised not to fall in love. Otherwise‑ they can lose their heads and do something pleasant from the bottom of their hearts. Women are more often forbidden to have sex when they want to, even if they are exhausted.
It is not worth blocking emotions, even if they seem negative. It has a bad effect on the psyche.
Of course, all courses cannot be blamed indiscriminately. For example, sometimes professional psychologists conduct trainings.
The difference between a normal course and a harmful one is that the focus will be shifted to the client. To build a harmonious, happy relationship, you need to learn not to change another person, to control them, to suppress them, but to work on yourself. For example, here are some lessons that can really be useful:
Because working on ourselves is something that we can do. And the actions and thoughts of another person are already his responsibility.
