If you and your partner are going through difficult times — you are dissatisfied with each other, you often quarrel, you do not come to a consensus on some important issue in any way - it may seem that the relationship is doomed. However, there are several signs that will help you understand that all is not lost yet.
Psychologists consider 11 Subtle Differences Between A Toxic Relationship Vs. One That Just Needs Work / Bustle that toxic and abusive partners will never admit guilt and will not repent if they hurt their couple.
They are more likely to dump all the responsibility on another person, devalue him or gaslight him — that is, convince him that he is wrongly offended and nothing special has happened. And if they say they're sorry, they don't change their behavior in the end. Even after a lot of reminders, conversations and scandals.
On the contrary, if you are ready to apologize and admit that you were wrong, this is a good sign.
That is, you do not just verbally promise that you will behave differently, but also demonstrate this by actions: carefully choose expressions, do not criticize your partner, fairly share household chores, and so on. And you do this not because you were pressured, but because you want your loved one to feel good.
No one directly teaches us competent communication. Initially, we learn the style of interaction with other people in our family and school, and it may not coincide with what our partner expects.
For example, one is used to teasing his loved ones, while the other finds it very insulting. Or one person closes up and remains silent during a conflict, while the other prefers to talk about what happened right away. All this is completely normal.
It is abnormal when one of the partners does not want to work on himself, believes that he is a communication guru and always does everything right.
And if both want to become better, learn to interact with each other, adjust their manner of communication, the relationship will develop, and conflicts will be overcome.
None of you is trying to bend the other under you, does not put pressure on pity, does not devalue, does not twist the facts, does not press on the patient. At least on purpose. And if this does happen, the culprit is ready to admit that he did not conduct the discussion very honestly. After all, constant manipulation and psychological violence are signs of emotional abuse.
Do not be silent, do not accumulate resentments and do not expect him to guess everything himself, but speak directly about what you care about. Moreover, you do this not in order to make claims, assert yourself and blame your couple, but in order to resolve a conflict situation together.
During the conversation, you try to behave calmly and respectfully, do not raise your voice, do not be rude.
But if all your conversations consist of passive aggression and attempts to hurt each other, or if one of you constantly avoids discussing problems, this is a wake—up call.
You don't make scenes of jealousy, you don't read correspondence, you don't try to limit each other's communication with the rest of the world. You take care of your borders and do not violate others'. You keep your interests, goals and hobbies, do not lose yourself in your partner and do not allow him to give up something important for him for you. You can rely on each other and you know that none of you will cheat or let you down.
All these are signs of a healthy and respectful relationship. But the reverse situation already smacks of codependency, and this is not too good.
None of you moves away from friends and family, does not lock yourself in, does not start to get sick or systematically make mistakes at work, does not give up his usual activities and hobbies.
You sleep well, you don't experience constant anxiety and depression. And you are also not afraid that any of your wrong movements or looks can lead to a quarrel. After all, such negative changes would mean that you are experiencing severe stress and may have become a victim of psychological violence.
