Dealing with a sexist is unpleasant. It's good if communication can be easily and quickly cut off. But what if the source of inappropriate comments is a boss at a favorite job or a math teacher who really needs an A? The good news is that it is quite possible to build a normal communication with a sexist. First of all, it is worth understanding what sexism is and how it manifests itself.
Sexism is discrimination Dictionary of gender terms / Edited by A. A. Denisova people by gender. In daily communication, it can come from both men and women and be expressed Sexism: Notice! Name it! Stop it! / Council of Europe in a variety of forms, such as words, gestures, or actions. And here are just a few vivid examples of how sexist remarks sound and sexist behavior looks.
These may be well-established expressions that disguise themselves as truths like "A woman's place at the stove" or "Men don't cry."
Another common situation is to address a group of people of different sexes, using phrases that exclude women, for example, "Good evening, gentlemen."Many people use predominantly male images in speech out of habit. And they don't even think about the fact that when we say, for example, "man", we often mean a man, not a woman.
A vivid example of a sexist statement in the working environment is the phrase "You will still have children and leave", which explains the promotion of men, not women.
Another form of discrimination in professional communication is explaining to a woman issues in which she is well versed, or ignoring expert opinion just because it comes from a woman.Sexism at work often manifests itself in the form of familiarity on the part of management or colleagues. For example, when talking to women, they use words with diminutive suffixes or make remarks about their appearance: "Svetochka, what a beauty you are today. I'm waiting for the report until tonight." And men may face derogatory comments in the style of "You're a woman, or something" if they give priority to family rather than career — for example, they want to go on maternity leave.
Discrimination at the university can manifest itself in the treatment of teachers and students. For example, when a professor behaves incorrectly towards girls at the Faculty of Computer Science, because he believes that their intellectual abilities are lower than those of guys, and constantly talks about it.
Gender-related biases also lead to underestimation. In such cases, it is not uncommon to hear phrases in the style of: "Why do you need a five, you'll get married anyway and you won't work by profession."
Sexism is also clearly visible in the stereotypes that are fixed through career guidance, when girls are offered "female" professions, such as a teacher, and boys are offered "male" professions, such as a lawyer.
Of course, in everyday life, the source of sexism is most often a specific person: an acquaintance, girlfriend, partner, teacher or boss. If this is the first time such a situation has occurred, explain that it is not only unpleasant, but also wrong, because it limits your freedom and your opportunities. But if this has been going on for a long time, and it is difficult or impossible to break off communication, it is better to act differently.
If you are constantly called "sweetheart" or "darling" and you are offended by this, discuss the boundaries of what is acceptable. This can be done in a playful way, for example: "Do you call all the employees sweethearts? How interesting! And Igor and Vadim, how do they react?" Or politely and bluntly say that you do not like such familiar treatment.
Do not hesitate to immediately stop any inappropriate behavior. You have every right to define your boundaries, which others should treat with respect.
Very often, women are accused of being "overly emotional," especially in the workplace. If a man yells at subordinates or colleagues, he just has a bad day, it happens. If a woman does this, she is "a hysterical woman who clearly has problems in her personal life."
This approach can be effectively used against sexists. As soon as your colleague starts to raise his voice and behave incorrectly, point it out: "You're overreacting. Calm down and let's get back to work." Most likely, the sexist will burst with rage, but you will be absolutely right. Shouting and throwing tantrums in the workplace is unprofessional for both men and women.
This method also works great if you need to fight back against bullies. The principle is simple — you have to make a blank look and repeat only one phrase: "What do you mean?"
For example, you hear: "Oh, yes, men are all the same." Answer: "What do you mean?" In response, you may get: "Well, they are not serious, they only think in one place." Your reaction should again be, "What do you mean?" And so on until the other side buries itself with its own answers, because each time they will sound sillier and sillier.
Imagine that you are asked to look after a 5‑year-old child, and he tells you something unpleasant. You are unlikely to argue with him, because he is just a child who does not yet really understand what can and cannot be said. Most likely, you will treat the situation with calm condescension.
Use the same approach when dealing with a sexist. When someone suddenly makes a sexist remark about you, smile and respond with a note of sarcasm: "Wow, wow! You're like a grown-up serious person, and you say such stupid things." You can also connect those present — take a look at them, which will read: "Imagine someone still saying such nonsense out loud."
Remember that sexism is the lowest level of controversy, which is the easiest to resort to. Don't stoop to it and behave with dignity.
It's not always easy to hold back, but it's a great way to make yourself heard. If your voice is too loud or even just raised, it shows that the situation has offended you. Subconsciously, others may read this as a weakness. A low and quiet voice, on the contrary, is associated with regularity and calmness. That's exactly how you should meet sexist comments — as if they don't bother you at all and don't upset you.
If you have the opportunity to have a serious conversation with a sexist and reach out to him, try to explain the situation using examples with loved ones. It can be a husband, wife, brother, sister, daughter or son of this person. Ask: "If someone behaved this way towards your loved one, would you consider this behavior normal?"
Sometimes people who communicate from a position of sexism do not even realize that they are doing something wrong. The sooner you stop discriminatory behavior and, if possible, explain why it is fundamentally wrong, the more likely such people will think about and change their behavior.
