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We look away on public transport. At parties and meetings, we prefer to communicate with several people we know well, without risking talking to someone new. When we hear "Good morning!" from a neighbor, we will shudder and think that he needs something from us.
Conversations with strangers seem awkward and painful to us. Trying to start such a conversation, we are afraid that we will be rejected, or it seems to us that we have nothing in common with this person. We convince ourselves in advance that neither we nor he will be interested in such a conversation.
"It's a phenomenon of multiple ignorance," says Juliana Schroeder, a psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley. "You see that no one is talking, and you conclude that they don't want to talk, although they are more inclined to talk than they themselves believe."
People mistakenly believe that the behavior of others depends on their views, whereas it is actually justified by social norms.
All this prevents us from making contact with strangers, so we choose privacy. But such a choice is not always the right one. According to Schroeder's research, communication with strangers causes more positive emotions than privacy N. Epley, J. Schroeder. Mistakenly seeking solitude / Journal of Experimental Psychology: General .
The researchers studied the emotional state of people in public transport. Those who, according to the instructions struck up a conversation with fellow travelers in transport or with a taxi driver, noted more positive impressions about the trip than those who had to sit in silence. The researchers also wanted to check whether the positive effect extends to those with whom they spoke. To do this, they recreated the conditions of the waiting room. The results showed that positive emotions are experienced by both the one who started the conversation and the one with whom they spoke.
Another group of participants was asked to simply imagine such a conversation. They themselves expected that the experience would be negative, but the experiment confirmed the opposite.
We underestimate the importance of social connections, believing that privacy is more pleasant than communicating with a stranger. But there is also a positive emotional effect from communicating with strangers.
This is also true for unfamiliar people G. M. Sandstrom, E. W. Dunn. Social interactions and well-being: The surprising power of weak ties / Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin . Among them, for example, a barista at your favorite coffee shop, those who attend yoga classes with you, or someone who walks with a dog in the same place as you. Regular interaction with these unfamiliar people contributes to social and emotional well-being. Such relationships are characterized by less frequent contact, low emotional intensity and limited intimacy.
"Sincere communication, even minimal, helps to satisfy the basic human need to belong to a group,— says Gillian Sandstorm, a psychologist at the University of Essex. — A conversation with a stranger will give you the feeling that you are seen and recognized, and a sense of community with him will remind you of your community with all people."According to another study O. Ybarra, P. Winkielman, et al. Friends (and sometimes enemies) with cognitive benefits: What types of social interactions boost executive functioning? / Social Psychological and Personality Science , even a brief interaction with someone increases the executive functions of the brain A. Diamond. Executive functions / Annual Review of Psychology . These are mental processes that allow us to concentrate, plan, prioritize and organize.
The participants of the experiment were divided into three groups. Some met and had a friendly conversation for 10 minutes. Others were asked to argue , and still others did not communicate with each other at all. Then all the participants passed cognitive tests involving the executive functions of the brain. The first group showed the best results.
Every day we have a lot of opportunities to communicate with strangers: in transport on the way to work, during lunch break, at meetings and parties. Try to make it a habit. To start a conversation, just smile and look the person in the eye. The main thing is to sincerely try to establish contact.
