While the world is striving for inclusion, naturalness and overcoming discrimination, debates continue on Internet forums, office kitchens and home gatherings with the older generation about what a woman should or should not do in order not to "kill the desire of a partner." We gathered the most controversial subjects of such discussions to declare: "Don't worry, this is normal!"
Advertising has been pushing the fashion for absolute smoothness of the skin to the masses for many years. The adult content industry has also made its contribution: videos where actresses are filmed in a "natural form" are even singled out in a separate category. The complete absence of body hair gradually began to be perceived as a criterion of sexuality, and their presence as a sign of unkemptness and uncleanness.
If aesthetics is solely a matter of taste, then hygiene should be discussed separately. There are no medical indications Are there benefits to removing my pubic hair? / Mayo Clinic to remove hair in the intimate area. Moreover, such procedures have unpleasant consequences like contact dermatitis and the risk of catching an infection. To maintain cleanliness, a regular trip to the shower is enough.
To shave or not to shave — here everyone is free to decide for himself. If hair removal is part of your beauty routine, but for some reason right now epilation is not perfect, do not be embarrassed. And from inappropriate jokes and shaming on the part of a partner, a reminder helps: you can play together in an offensive quest to find flaws in appearance. Only it does not strengthen the relationship in any way.
Surely you've heard jokes about how girls order a salad in a restaurant, and after a date they enjoy eating goulash at home. With romantic dinners, everything is really not easy. The choice of the dish can be dictated by B. J. Rolls, I. C. Fedoroff, J. F. Guthrie. Gender differences in eating behavior and body weight regulation / Health Psychology fear of appearing to be a glutton. Traditionally, meat is considered a "male" food H. J. Love, D. Sulikowski. Of meat and men: Sex differences in implicit and explicit attitudes toward meat / Frontiers of Psychology , fatty and heavy food, and "female" — vegetables, fruits and desserts.
It's great when a girl orders a salad because she really wants vegetables. It's worse if she's hungry and able to pay for her steak, but she's chewing greens, trying to make a good impression.
If the candy‑bouquet period is long over, and the embarrassment remains, then this is an alarming signal. Obsessive thoughts about how appropriate it is to eat a second cutlet if a partner has two of them on his plate, in a bad situation, can turn into an eating disorder . Choosing healthy food, exercising, watching weight is normal and correct. But if from time to time you want to pamper yourself with a bucket of wings or pour soda over a burger — this is definitely not a reason to doubt your attractiveness.
It's hard to imagine how someone whispers to a colleague for a paper handkerchief and hides it in his sleeve on the way to the bathroom. But with feminine hygiene products, this happens all the time. The stigma around menstruation is so firmly embedded in the public consciousness that women themselves undertake to protect it. Like, why put all this on display for a partner, because hygiene is called personal for a reason. It is better to hide the box with tampons in the far corner of the bathroom, and only go to the bathroom to "powder your nose".
Manufacturers of hygiene products are trying to rectify the situation. For example, the first advertisement on British television, in which the canonical blue liquid on the gasket was replaced with red, caused In the advertisement for gaskets, the blue liquid was replaced with "blood" / BBC News there are a lot of positive reactions in social networks. Commenting on the PR campaign, the brand representatives announced their mission: show taboo subjects so that people start to treat them more calmly.
What to do if a partner stumbles upon a accidentally forgotten bundle in the bathroom? Nothing. Adults understand that menstruation is a normal part of life. They can be abundant, painful, irregular, but certainly not shameful. And hygiene products, which in this difficult period help a woman to continue her work and affairs, deserve at least the same neutral attitude as cotton pads or paper towels.
The topic of the toilet and relationships is one of the most sensitive, and for both partners. The inability to relax in certain circumstances is even called S. R. Knowles, J. Skues. Development and validation of the Shy Bladder and Bowel Scale (SBBS) / Cognitive Behaviour Therapy "shy bowel syndrome". And of course, on the Internet you can find a million tips on how to "not get caught": be patient before work, stimulate urges, learn to do it silently or even take capsules flavoring feces. Some recommendations are simply ridiculous, others are dangerous to health. Long abstinence, enemas, attempts to go big when the intestines are not ready yet, violate the natural process of defecation. This can lead to various problems — from diarrhea to hemorrhoids.
If it seems that sounds and smells can drop your attractiveness in the eyes of a partner, it makes sense to work on self-esteem, and not turn on the water in the toilet whenever nature takes its course. And it's also worth keeping in mind that no couple in the world is immune from a truly unifying moment in a relationship — poisoning with shawarma.
If a girl is wearing panties and a bra of the same color, then obviously not the guy decided that he would have sex today. This popular joke well illustrates the attitude of society towards women's underwear. For sex, you need to wear smart clothes — but only for a woman.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to show off and arouse interest with an erotic kit. Questions are raised by another reality, in which ordinary cotton underpants are called "grandmother's parachutes" and are advised not to show them to a partner in any case. But this is exactly the kind of underwear recommended by Vulvar and vaginal health: What’s normal and what’s not? / Mayo Clinic gynecologists: wide cut, comfortable size, made of natural breathable fabric that does not rub the delicate skin and does not retain moisture. And seductive lace and seamless polyester thongs are not the best choice for daily wear.
If at a crucial moment you suddenly remembered that you put on panties not for beauty, but for yourself, do not be embarrassed and even more so postpone sex. In a normal situation, any underwear quickly leaves its owner. And if the prelude suddenly turned into another edition of the show "Fashion Verdict", then the problem is definitely not in you.
On the one hand, it seems that all modern girls have acquired intimate gadgets for a long time. On the other hand, there will definitely be kind people nearby who will explain that it's all from a lack of sex and in general "you didn't have a normal man." Therefore, probably the most unpleasant thing here is the partner's reaction. Will the collection of penguins in the bedside table hurt his self-esteem?
Female masturbation is still quite a taboo topic, which is sometimes not easy to talk about openly. If the partner's views on devices are conservative and do not coincide with yours, it may be worth starting with support. For example, to tell you what exactly in bed with him makes you excited and what practices are especially good. Then calmly and kindly explain: toys are not a substitute for a living person, because even the most technologically advanced gadget is not capable of emotions and tactile contact. Try to agree on what from the range of intimate goods is acceptable for both. For sure, it will be possible to grab massage candles or edible lubricants in the bedroom, and toys will remain for independent practices.
