Modern society pays too much attention to external achievements — how we look, where we work, what kind of lifestyle we lead. Most people are used to "holding their face" in any situation, so even the smallest glimpses of humility seem like a breath of fresh air. Why is it so difficult for us to show this wonderful quality? Maybe because it is associated with weakness, although in fact it is one of the signs of inner strength? Let's try to find answers to these questions.
When we meet someone who possesses this virtue, our shoulders relax, our heart begins to beat a little quieter, and an invisible hand nervously squeezing our insides loosens its grip. Why? Because we understand that we are seen, heard and accepted as we are, with all the flaws. Such an attitude is a very rare and valuable gift that breaks even the strongest protective walls.
Truly humble and humble people can give this feeling because they accept their strength and their weaknesses without condemnation. According to scientists, this is the key sign of humility, which feeds the feeling of compassion .
Such self-acceptance can arise only from an inner sense of self-worth. Neither multimillion-dollar fees, nor a perfect body, nor likes in social networks will give this feeling. People endowed with humility appreciate small but meaningful things that benefit others.
In addition, such people view life as endless learning and realize that no one is perfect. This means that we can work on ourselves and be open to new ideas, advice and criticism without compromising our self-esteem.
The most striking example of this quality is Mahatma Gandhi. His story is a direct proof of what a leader endowed with humility can achieve and how useful such people are for society.
Psychologists Heidi Wayment and Jack J. Bauer wrote a book H.A. Wayment, J. Bauer. Transcending self‑interest: Psychological explorations of the quiet ego about the "quiet ego". This concept is very similar to what we call humility. The bottom line is that when we control our ego, we become much less aggressive, less likely to manipulate others and less time. Instead, we take responsibility for our mistakes and correct them, listen to the ideas of others and sensibly assess our abilities.
Humility can significantly improve not only our lives, but also our relationships with others. People with this quality are more effective N. Krause, K.I. Pargament, et al. Humility, stressful life events, and psychological well‑being: Findings from the landmark spirituality and health survey / The Journal of Positive Psychology cope with stress and feel much better physically N. Krause. Religious Involvement, Humility, and Self‑Rated Health / Social Indicators Research , and emotionally P.J. Jankowski, S.J. Sandage, et al. Differentiation‑based models of forgivingness, mental health and social justice commitment: Mediator effects for differentiation of self and humility / The Journal of Positive Psychology . In addition, they often show generosity and gratitude, as well as help others. All this attracts others to them.
Given everything we know about this quality, it is not so easy to develop it. However, the effort is definitely worth it, at least for the sake of inner freedom, which will appear when we finally stop hiding the "uncomfortable" parts of ourselves, and come to terms with them. In other words, working on humility will help open the heart to understanding and empathy. Here are a few ways to get started.
When we fail in something very important to us, for example in our personal life or career, our self‑esteem sinks to the bottom. This happens because our inner sense of value is directly related to external events. We become "bad" and "unworthy" people in one second, and the way back to a stable self-esteem can take a very long time.
Such a model of seeing the world is alien to people with developed humility. They generate their value from within. Therefore, when they fail miserably in some business, they realize that this is just a failure, and not proof of their worthlessness. After all, they are people, and people tend to make mistakes.
Psychologists Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman, in their book Strengths and Virtues: Guidance and Classification, suggest that a sense of intrinsic value stems from a reliable type of attachment or other emotionally healthy connection with a loved one. Usually this is the one who took care of us as a child. Unconditional acceptance and love become a kind of shield, protecting from dangerous manifestations of criticism and failures.
Unfortunately, few can boast of such a positive experience. Research shows S. Moullin, J. Waldfogel, E. Washbrook. Baby Bonds: Parenting, attachment and a secure base for children that only 60% of adults have a reliable type of attachment. However, this does not mean that we are doomed. You can and should work with your type of attachment. This article will allow you to take the first steps.
People who possess the virtue of humility soberly evaluate themselves. They know their strengths and weaknesses, and this helps them understand what needs to be worked on.
Mindfulness allows you to pause and listen to your thoughts and feelings. Moreover, it helps to do this without judgment, which always distorts the way we see the situation. The more consciously we approach our inner state, the easier it becomes to notice the habits and beliefs that limit us. And here self—compassion is included in the process - we accept our not the most pleasant qualities, learn kindness and understanding first of all in relation to ourselves.
When we accept what needs to be changed, we can start the transformation process. Start replacing negative thoughts and actions with positive ones, and over time you will not recognize yourself.
A simple "thank you" means that we notice the gifts that life gives us and realize the value of other people. Regular practice of gratitude helps to turn off selfishness and look around carefully.
Research confirms E. Kruse, J. Chancellor, et al. An upward spiral between gratitude and humility / Social Psychological and Personality Science that gratitude and humility feed each other. We become better when we regularly say "thank you" to the people around us and the world.
Start a gratitude diary and write down three things every evening that you want to thank life for. Or try writing letters of gratitude — for example, to people who have done something good for you or helped you in something.Perhaps the main key to humility is to look at life as an adventurous journey towards the qualities that make us better ourselves, the people around us and the world around us. Nelson Mandela said: "First of all, you need to be honest with yourself. It is impossible to change society if you do not change yourself. Great peacemakers are people of decency, honesty and humility."
