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Bold, ambitious goals are undoubtedly motivating and invigorating. However, obsessing over them can lead to great disappointments. There is another point: peering into the distance, it is easy to lose sight of what is right under your nose.
To become happy, you need a different approach to setting goals. One that sets you up for success and at the same time allows you to enjoy life here and now.
Goals — both large-scale and very small — give existence meaning. Research shows that in the short term, they make us more optimistic and enhance our subjective sense of well-being.
For example, in the study A. K. MacLeod, E. Coates, J. Hetherton. Increasing well-being through teaching goal-setting and planning skills: Results of a brief intervention / Journal of Happiness Studies In 2008, psychologists conducted a simple experiment. Half of the participants set life goals for themselves, voiced them and underwent training dedicated to the realization of desires.
The other half didn't do anything like that. Three weeks later, the scientists found that those who saw a goal in front of them felt on average 8% happier than before the experiment, and 12% happier than the participants from the control group.
In this study, the aspirations of the volunteers were different. But if you look closely, it turns out that not all goals lead to an equal feeling of happiness.
So, the survey B. Headey. Life goals matter to happiness: A revision of set-point theory / Social Indicators Research , conducted in 2008 in Germany, showed that if intentions concern family, friends, participation in social and political projects, they really increase the level of life satisfaction.
But goals related to career success or obtaining material benefits, on the contrary, often have a bad effect on the feeling of well-being.
This, by the way, is consistent with research C. P. Niemiec, R. M. Ryan, E. L Deci. The path taken: Consequences of attaining intrinsic and extrinsic aspirations in post-college life / Journal of Research in Personality , which were attended by graduates of American colleges. Striving for personal growth, creating close relationships, participating in various communities — in general, what psychologists call internal goals — really makes people feel better, luckier, happier.
And external desires — the thirst for material goods, fame, attractiveness — on the contrary, lead to a subjective deterioration of life.
The size of the dream also matters. Setting short-term, small and realistic goals strengthens K. M. Sheldon, A. J Elliot. Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: The self-concordance model / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology faith in success and a sense of happiness — provided that these values do not contradict our internal principles and are not imposed on us by other people.
For example, in one study K. M. Sheldon, L. Houser-Marko. Self-concordance, goal attainment, and the pursuit of happiness: Can there be an upward spiral? / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology college students who stated that they wanted to improve their academic performance during the year (which corresponded to their personal motivation ) were indeed more successful than others. As a result, they felt happier and more confident. This set them up for further setting goals — and repeating a successful experience.
It is important to note here that the aspirations of the students were not global. But focusing on long-term and difficult-to-achieve large-scale goals is fraught with risk. Simply because we have less chance of achieving them.
Exhausting pursuit of a dream, frustration generate M. Wehrenberg. When is depression not depression? Part 3 / Psychology Today pessimism. And they can even provoke the appearance of depressive symptoms.
However, all this does not mean that ambitious goals, in particular those related to career or finances, should be abandoned altogether. You just need to put them correctly.Therefore, setting bold ambitious goals, especially in troubled times, is a dangerous task. It can make you unhappy.
The winning strategy includes three points. Rely on them — it will protect you from disappointment and make your life more full and happy.
The studies cited above clearly demonstrate that goals can bring a lot of happiness if they are short-term, achievable and lead to success. In other words, if we personally observe how we are making progress step by step.
Therefore, decide what you want globally. And then break down the big goal into small steps. Figure out what you need to achieve in a year, a month, a week, or maybe even tomorrow.
For example, you want to have a airbag the size of a million. It is quite possible to create it in three years, if you save three thousand rubles from your salary every month. By doing this, you will observe how your gold reserve grows, and it will bring confidence and joy.
Another example: you set a goal to run a marathon. This can be achieved if you start running and increase the distance by at least 200-300 meters every week.
Daily goals are especially important in this context.
Regularly (but not too often — for example, once every six months) summarize the interim results. The rest of the time, focus on what needs to be done today to make positive progress.
And having done this, put the work aside and feel the result, enjoy it. Repeat the next day.
Often frustration is the result of the fact that we are fixated on achieving something specific. We get attached to the goal and, not having achieved it fully, we begin to suffer.
The output is simple and elegant. Consider the global goal not as the only way to achieve happiness , but only as a guideline that determines the direction of your life path. In this case, if something does not add up or new opportunities appear, you can easily let go of the old goal and set a new one, avoiding disappointment.
Another option: initially fix a large‑scale desire marked "... or something better." This will psychologically free you and allow you to easily deviate and change the direction of movement if a more attractive option looms ahead.
External goals related to power, money, prestige are especially difficult to achieve. After all, these resources are limited, and in pursuit of them, we are forced to push other people out of our lives, push other people away from us. In such a situation, few people can feel happy.
Internal goals tied to love for people and personal growth bring much more satisfaction. Therefore, the correct list of aspirations should be based primarily on them.
Make a list of specific internal goals and work on achieving them. If it is difficult for you to decide, use the following advice D. Brooks. The moral bucket list / The New York Times :
Think about who you would like to remain in the memory of your loved ones. Perhaps it will be a "loving mother" or "always supportive father", and not "that dude who was always on business trips."
Dream about the person you would like to be. Then think about what it takes to become one. And finally, focus on what needs to be done right today to get closer to this large-scale internal goal.
