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If you write "the secret of happiness" in the search bar, Google will give out more than four million results. Obviously, this topic interests a lot of people. And it would be nice if there was one simple universal answer to the question of how to become happy. But the main problem is that happiness looks different for everyone.
Psychology professor Andrea Bonior distinguishes two types of happiness: hedonic and eudemonic. Each of them is important in its own way. "Hedonic happiness lies in pleasures, in what makes you feel good. This is, for example, joy when you eat your favorite dish," the expert explains. — Eudemonic happiness is associated with a deeper sense of satisfaction. It's a sense of connection with what's really important to you, even if it's not always fun things."
According to Andrea Bonior, hedonic happiness is important for feeling joy in the moment, and eudemonic happiness is a key element of long—term satisfaction. Being happy is absolutely always impossible, life will still make its not the most pleasant adjustments. However, eudemonic happiness gives a deep feeling that remains with a person even in difficult periods.
Most likely, you already guess what brings you hedonic happiness. Maybe it's a 30‑minute workout or a delicious dinner with a partner at your favorite restaurant. But with eudemonic happiness, everything is much more complicated. To find him, Andrea Bonior advises answering five questions honestly.
"Eudemonic happiness consists in finding your values and figuring out how to make them part of your day," says the expert. And the first question will help you with this.
Imagine a day off when you woke up refreshed, and all household chores have already been redone. How will you spend it?
For someone, the ideal pastime is to sit in a cozy cafe with a book and a switched‑off phone. Someone wants adventures, for example, to go hiking. Someone prefers to be alone, and for someone it is important to surround themselves with good company.
Andrea Bonior advises paying special attention to the aspects of an ideal day that mean something to you. Let's say you imagine drinking coffee with pleasure. Why is this ritual so important to you? Perhaps because it helps to slow down and enjoy the moment?
Once you find your values, think about how else you can incorporate them into your life. For example, go to lunch at a cafe near work, turn off the sound on your phone and enjoy what is happening here and now.
Of course, spending every minute of every day in accordance with your values will not work. Nevertheless, you are quite capable of adding pieces of your ideal life to your usual routine.
This is not the most pleasant question, but think about what you would like to see in your obituary. Andrea Bonior is sure that the answer will allow you to see the big picture.
We are so immersed in everyday affairs that we forget to stop and remind ourselves of the most important things. Do you want to be remembered as a caring parent? A good friend? A person who helped those in need?
If the way you spend your time right now doesn't fit with what you want to leave behind, it's time to change something. It is not necessary to start with something grandiose. Maybe you just need to spend more time with friends, focus on family, or volunteer at a shelter. Any changes begin with small steps towards the goal.
The reality is that we often have to spend it on something we don't want to do at all. Think about what things you are willing to devote your time to, even when you are overloaded.
"This question helps to find activities that allow us to enter the flow — a state when we are completely absorbed in something and do not notice how time passes. Your energy is not infinite. As soon as you determine what you are spending it on, you will be able to find your priorities," notes Andrea Bonior.
Spending time in a stream when you are not following the clock is important not only in moments of rest. Considering how hard we work, at least a small part of our profession should give us the opportunity to immerse ourselves in this state. According to Andrea Bonior, being in the flow helps to be more involved in your life.
Ask yourself: If there is no answer to this question, it means that you are rarely or never in the flow at work. In this case, it seems that you should think about changes in your career.
Andrea Bonior notes that it is extremely important not only to think about the people who bring you joy, but also to actively take care of relationships with them. "Loneliness has a huge impact on both mental and physical health. And shortens life expectancy. Yes, relationships are so important," the psychologist emphasizes.
We usually devote different amounts of time to different people. Think about how much time you would like to spend with your loved ones. "I like to compare social connections with plants: some flowers need a lot of sun to grow, and some can safely do without it. You need to find what is right for you," the expert adds.
There is no universal picture of happiness. But these five questions will help you put together your puzzle. The psychologist advises you to come back and answer them again every time you are dissatisfied with your life. Most likely, this feeling will be associated with one of the answers. And perhaps, thanks to these questions and answers, you will understand that happiness is not as elusive as it seems.
