When married couples are worried that they have become too comfortable in marriage, they can talk about the problem like this:
All this is reminiscent of the "intimacy paradox", according to which the closer a relationship becomes, the more intimacy it lacks. When a strong emotional relationship is established between partners, they often immerse themselves in a repetitive routine that involuntarily causes longing and despondency.
It is important to notice in time when boredom arises in marriage. Because she can E. Muturi. The impact of boredom in marriage on marital satisfaction / International Journal of Psychology lead to disappointment, mutual reproaches, bad mood and distorted ideas about relationships. In addition, boredom threatens the well-being of spouses, destroying intimacy, negating mutual obligations and increasing the likelihood of infidelity and divorce.
To successfully cope with boredom in marriage, it is necessary first of all to find answers to three questions.
Boredom in relationships appears C. Harasymchuk, B. Fehr. A script analysis of relational boredom: Causes, feelings, and coping strategies / Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology when the psychological need for novelty and diversity is not satisfied.
In addition, a weak sense of satisfaction with the relationship is associated with C. Harasymchuk, A. Muise, et al. Broadening your horizon one day at a time: Relationship goals and exciting activities as daily antecedents of relational self‑expansion / Journal of Social and Personal Relationships with a low level of "self-development" in a relationship. "Self-development" means striving to find new experiences, relationships and opportunities for personal growth that help to develop and enrich self-perception. Romantic relationships promote self-development because we can learn from our partners, adapt to them and be influenced by them.
However, if a couple is stuck in a monotonous routine, the partners will not be able to develop either separately or together. In new relationships, we have more opportunities to learn from each other, but in long-term relationships, when the partners' ideas about themselves are intertwined more and more, individual development requires effort.
Contrary to popular belief, boredom is capable of S. W. Bench, H. C. Lench. On the function of boredom / Behavioral Sciences have a positive effect. It motivates you to change something in your relationship and take an acceptable risk. Participating in new activities, both collaborative and individual, can help rekindle the spark, creating opportunities for self-development. In addition, it allows partners to see each other in a new light, share new experiences and a view of the world. All this destroys boredom.
Sometimes, in order to cope with boredom, partners do nothing C. Harasymchuk, J. Peetz, et al. Worn out relationship? The role of expectations in judgements of relational boredom / Personal Relationships or choose a safe, comfortable and familiar experience that used to be guaranteed to inspire both and strengthen intimacy. And although security in a relationship is very important, when we don't pay enough attention to self-development, boredom only increases.
Growth prospects may change over time, but if you regularly find out from your partner about his goals, interests and dreams, this will make the relationship more exciting and joyful.
Attempts to maintain intimacy while completely avoiding conflicts only create M. Kuster, S. Backes, et al. Approach‑avoidance goals and relationship problems, communication of stress, and dyadic coping in couples / Motivation and Emotion there are even more problems and lead to the fact that the couple does not cope well with stress. This affects not only the relationship, but also the condition of each partner and is often the result of fear of rejection. Nevertheless, it is simply necessary to tolerate the discomfort associated with expressing feelings, since this allows you to satisfy needs and brings you closer to solving the problem.
In addition, partners can avoid dissatisfaction with other areas of life by transferring feelings of boredom and stagnation into their personal lives. Perhaps some important things for one of the partners are ignored in communication, which leads to communication failures and repetitive conversations. Mutual curiosity, even if the couple has been together for a long time, helps to avoid misunderstandings and strengthens the bond.The value of relationships is sometimes overshadowed by their monotony. Making a conscious daily choice in favor of a partner and switching the perspective from "I need to work on the relationship" to "I'm lucky to be with this person" are important steps to return the excitement and appreciation for the privilege of being together to the relationship.
In addition, a sensitive response to the needs, emotions and desires of a partner contributes to a stable emotional connection when both feel that they are being heard and appreciated. This eliminates the feeling of boredom and disunity. Sharing good news and pleasant moments, celebrating each other's victories — all this also creates a sense of mutual recognition and respect.
And finally, it's useful to plan something cool together, like a trip or a date. Planning may seem to counteract spontaneity, but in fact it creates a more supportive environment in which partners enjoy the moment without haste. Conscious planning promotes self-development and brings partners back to each other.
