In order to achieve this goal, you need to at least want to start moving in the right direction. Even better, if this goal is also desirable. But the path to even the most cherished goal is very bumpy, and you will have to do a lot of routine work that you may not like. And that's where we start resorting to various tricks to force ourselves to go through this difficult part of the path. Trying to cheat the routine, we begin to motivate ourselves and immediately step on the standard rake. Because what is considered almost axioms can actually work quite the opposite.
What, it would seem, should motivate us and lead us to the goal faster, in fact, either keeps us in place, or even distances us.
How many times in my childhood my grandmother praised my best friend, exactly the same number of times I wanted to pull this very friend by the braid harder. And this is not because I was a bad and angry girl, but because most normal children react this way. No one likes to be compared with someone and this comparison is not his side, especially a comparison with his best friend. But after all, my grandmother firmly believed that in this way she would ignite the fire of leadership in me and I would want to do everything as a friend, do it together with her, do better than her. Was she wrong? Certainly. More precisely, it made me terribly angry and I wanted to do everything better, be far ahead and stop being friends with her. The leader of this child can and will do, but clearly deprive close friends, because suddenly the comparison will not be in his favor?
So it is with adults. What, it would seem, should motivate us and lead us to the goal faster, in fact, either keeps us in place, or even distances us.
So, the first and most common mistake is Statements. How many books and CDs with various affirmations have been sold in the world! I am the most beautiful, smart, attractive, etc. At how many seminars have you heard something like: "Start every morning with the phrase - I will do this and that or I am such and such!". Probably hundreds of times. On the one hand, sometimes affirmations work. But they only work when you really believe in it. If the faith is not very deep, then there is still a conflict in the subconscious. You still understand that you are not what you try to seem. These are all much more complex and profound processes than just repeating one phrase every morning.
Your alternative — instead of the proposed standard phrase, find your own that is more suitable for this situation. For example, instead of muttering under your breath every morning something like: "I'm achieving my goal!", it's better to say:"I am doing everything possible to achieve my goal." And it will be more true than the first option. After all, you have not yet achieved your goal, but you are really taking steps. Look for positive statements that really reflect your actions in the process of achieving your goals, and give up cliches.
Error number two — Visualization. Everyone knows that if you draw a car/yacht/house with a white fence/two children and a dog (of your choice) on a piece of paper, then you will definitely have it all someday. There are a lot of spiritual practices with visualization. This is especially the sin of modern psychologists at personal growth trainings. Only it doesn't always work. But no one talks about it, because they want them to come to the training again, and it didn't work out because they didn't want and believe enough. One of the reasons that the picture does not come to life in any way is that you spend your strength on contemplation and thinking about how great it would be, instead of taking active actions.
Your alternative is to add the stages of its execution to the visualization of the final result. This way it will be easier for you to implement these steps to the goal, because they will already be "familiar" to you, because you have thought them out well when you visualized them. And the goal will no longer seem so complicated and distant.
Error number three — Willpower. One of the tasks of willpower is so that we can finish what we started, despite obstacles and various troubles. But even she is a limited resource. When you do something you don't like, you try to sweeten the pill in every possible way. For example, you indulge yourself with sweets in order to raise your blood sugar level and thus give yourself a good mood at least for a while. But this cannot go on for long, you will not endure constant stress to achieve the goal that promises light at the end of the tunnel. Especially if the achievement is a process for more than one year. So it's not far to diabetes mellitus with weight problems.
Your alternative is to look for more pleasant ways to solve issues. This does not mean that you will be delighted with the process, but at least there will be much less unpleasant sensations. Or, as a completely extreme option, to realize that achieving this goal is problematic for you now, postpone it and start fulfilling other, more pleasant goals. And after them, you may have interesting solutions to the problems that have arisen on the way to achieving the first goal. If you cannot postpone solving the problem, you will still have to look for more pleasant solutions.
Error number four — Reward (carrot). A reward can be a pretty good motivation, as long as it is directly related to what you are doing. "External" motivation does not work that way. A bonus or an increase in the po motivates only for a short time, as well as giving sweets to children for drawing something. Over time, if there are no internal incentives, it stops working.
The alternative to such a "carrot" is "internal" motivation. That is, encouragement that directly concerns the task being performed. That is, your goal is to make the process of achieving the goal pleasant and useful. It should not be some kind of ghostly reward at the end of the path, but small joys in the process.
Error number five — Punishment (whip). Punishment in general and self—flagellation is a very common form of motivation, especially in alternating with gingerbread. I overcame the next step on the way to the goal — well done, get a carrot, sign it. If it didn't work out, you will be punished. They are afraid of punishment, so they work and try not to make mistakes next time. But it does not work well for a long time because of the fear of punishment. In the end, this leads to insults (if a superior punishes) and quiet hatred for both the person and the work itself. This is because very often punishments, as well as rewards, are "external" in relation to a specific goal.
Alternative: first consider the positive consequences of the behavior you want to motivate. Then consider the negative consequences of the behavior you currently have. Do it exactly in this order — first positive, then negative. For some reason, our mind is more susceptible to negative consequences that were preceded by positive ones than vice versa, or just to negativity.
To summarize, all these motivational moments work, but only if you start thinking with your head and connect them directly to the process, and do not use them as axioms.
