It is usually quite easy for us to recognize toxicity in other people: this person behaves too intrusively, and this one is rude to everyone. But it is much more difficult to detect your own toxic character traits or behaviors. It may take us years to realize our shortcomings and stop making the same mistake.
Nobody's perfect. Even the best of us sometimes behave unacceptably. The reason for this may be an unresolved trauma, an unsuitable role model, or an imbalance between social and personal life. Often we notice that something goes wrong only when others begin to move away from us because of our words and actions. Two signs will help to identify the problem in a timely manner.
To consider ourselves a victim is a defense mechanism that gives us the illusion that we can avoid responsibility for our actions. Although in fact, such a strategy only leads to stagnation and decline.
Of course, it's nice to pretend that we are not to blame for anything and owe nothing to anyone. But in reality, such a view of the world works as a self-fulfilling prophecy and ultimately secures us the status of a victim. In addition, by constantly exposing ourselves as the injured party, we allow difficult situations to control our lives.
For example, in the face of serious obstacles, we consciously or subconsciously decide to give up, instead of gathering strength and at least trying to overcome them. We learn to find solace in the thought that we are just a powerless victim, the whole world is against us, nothing can be done and let fate decide.
In one study, scientists suggested M. E. McCullough, R. A. Emmons, et al. Narcissists as “Victims”: The Role of Narcissism in the Perception of Transgressions / Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin that the victim complex is a consequence of narcissistic personality disorder. People with this disorder are much more likely to perceive ambiguous social situations as an attack on their personality.
When we manage to get out of a deep pit of suffering, our natural desire is to tell about our success to everyone who is willing to listen. It may seem to us that we are superhumans, that we have comprehended the structure of this world and that our way of solving problems is the only right one.
However, attempts to influence others by giving unsolicited advice to the right and to the left often lead to unpleasant consequences. When we impose our "truth of life", we only push people further away, ignore their reality and neglect their experience.
If something worked in our case, it does not mean at all that the same method will help solve someone else's problem. Solutions work best only when they match a person's personality, experience, and situation.
