"Think positively," the magazines advise us. The same thing was suggested by Norman Vincent Peel, author of the book "The Power of Positive Thinking", but only 60 years ago. Once during the holidays, Peel suggested using this advice: try to talk about everything with hope and in a positive way. However, the result turned out like in one famous joke: when you are told not to think about lemon, but the more you try, the more you feel a sour taste in your mouth.
Peel's positive philosophy is deeply rooted in American culture. Americans treat everything with a smile: whether it's life, politics or business. But research proves that a cheerful mood with a positive visualization of the future often brings a completely opposite effect than a mood lift.
Both modern psychologists and ancient philosophers recognize the contradiction:the path to happiness lies through denial.
This approach explains a lot. For example, that the degree of happiness of residents of countries with weak economies is often much higher than that of citizens in well-developed countries. Or the fact that many successful entrepreneurs sometimes abandon bold, ambitious, large business ideas.
One of the pioneers of the "negative path to happiness" was the New York psychotherapist Albert Ellis. He rediscovered the philosophy of the Stoics of ancient Greece and Rome: sometimes, in order not to be disappointed in the future, it is better to immediately hope for the worst.
The Roman Stoic Seneca treated this issue radically and supported the method, if we speak in Russian, "a wedge is knocked out with a wedge." Are you afraid of going bankrupt? He would advise you to take and spend a few days in contentment with little: without a roof over your head, eat scanty food, wear rags, deprive yourself of any entertainment — but ask yourself at the same time: "And this is what I was so afraid of?"
Or, for example, embarrassment. To overcome it, Ellis recommends taking the subway (or using any other crowded public transport) and loudly pronouncing aloud the names of stations (stops) immediately after departure. It is difficult, but effective.
The technique that the Stoics called "intentional justification of evil" — that is, the ability to soberly assess the situation from the worst side — can minimize the amount of negative energy in the future. Psychologist Julia Norham claims that about a third of Americans instinctively use this strategy. Norem herself calls this approach "defensive pessimism." Positive thinking is an attempt to convince yourself that everything will be fine. But, on the other hand, it also reinforces the belief that everything is wildly terrible if things suddenly go wrong.
American corporations are perhaps the best example of the widespread cult of positive thinking. In America, it is important that businessmen set global, bold, and sometimes risky goals for their organization, and employees, on the contrary, set clear, achievable, timely goals for themselves.
But here a paradox arises. After all, in the pursuit of achieving their goals, employees can forget about morality. This fact is proved by a study conducted by Professor Lisa Ordonez and her colleagues. Its participants had to compose words from a set of random letters, as in the game Scrabble. Those who had specific goals set for them lied much more often than those who were told to just try to win.
Setting tough goals can even lead to failure or failure to achieve meaningful results. For example, taxi drivers can earn much more in rainy weather, but most stop working after they complete the daily plan in order to get a good salary.
"Obsessing" on one goal at the expense of other factors can harm both the overall mission and the life of the employee in particular," says Christopher Kayes, associate professor of Management at George Washington University (Washington, DC). Professor Kayes, speaking about "over-chasing the goal", always recalls a conversation with one executive who said that his goal was to become a millionaire at the age of 40... and he did it! BUT! He divorced his wife, he had health problems, his children didn't even want to talk to him. In his research, Christopher Kayes argues that our obsession with a certain goal hides a deep sense of insecurity.
In a study by Sarah Saraswati, associate professor of Business Management at the University of Virginia, it was noted that the ability to adapt to a sense of insecurity is the key to a more harmonious life, which often opens the doors to full prosperity. Sarah interviewed 45 successful entrepreneurs, each of whom had at least one business. Almost none of them took advantage of the idea of writing a business plan or conducting extensive market research. They practiced, gained experience, achieved success through trial and error, experimented somewhere, and did not engage in what Sarah Saraswati calls "execution." Instead of choosing a specific goal and drawing up a plan to achieve it, they used the means at their disposal and presented the desired result.
Sarah Saraswati's "Enforcement" also includes the "principle of acceptable loss". Instead of focusing on the possibility of getting a spectacular reward for some risky event, ask yourself: how much damage will it do if nothing works. If the losses seem acceptable, you can take the next step.
The main meaning of the "path to happiness through denial" does not imply its promotion of optimistic emotions and even success. It's just realism. We always want everything in our life to go the way we need it, without any surprises. But the future is not predetermined.
The most important denial in every person's life is the denial of death. Can we feel any positive emotions, thinking that we will soon be gone?
Perhaps it is worth agreeing with the words of Woody Allen about death: "I am categorically against it" — it is better to openly confront it than to deny it. Because there are things that even the most positive thoughts cannot change.
The memory that I'm going to die soon is the most important tool that helps me make difficult decisions in my life. Because everything else — other people's expectations, pride, all this fear of embarrassment or failure — all these things dissolve in the face of death, leaving only what is really important. The memory of death is the best way to avoid thinking that you have something to lose. You're already naked. You no longer have a reason not to go to the call of your heart.
